How to be a good friend when you’re broke
Repeat after me: I am more than what I do for others.
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The definition of broke is subjective. Some define it as not having enough money to buy name brand items at the grocery store. Meanwhile, someone else may define it as not having money to get their hair done. Others define broke as not having enough money to commute to work.
Regardless of how you define it, one commonality is the brokenness narrative says everything about your inability to function as an adult and is the resulting punishment. Being broke is not a moral failing. It says more about systems designed to set you back than about your imperfections.
Unfortunately, that fact doesn’t stop your friendships from suffering.
Some refuse to admit it but you do need money to have friends. No, money doesn’t buy happiness or friendships. But it certainly does help make friendships easier to maintain. Even if you do mostly free things it doesn’t mean you have the money to get to free events or even enough food at home to invite friends over. Being the broke friend means you’re unable to show up in the fashion you prefer or as frequently as you’d like. Despite your efforts, some people decide you’re a bad friend because of it. In my experience, not having money combined with a misunderstanding led to the end of a friendship. It’s not a circumstance I would wish on anyone.
Unless you’ve lived it, it truly is hard to understand the heartbreak, limitations and stress of maintaining a friendship while broke. It’s not something that people tend to discuss openly due to the associated shame. It’s also not something depicted well in television or movies. Most shows such as Girlfriends or Martin include broke friends from a comedic standpoint with little dose of reality. The movie, Bridesmaids is one of the few movies to accurately depict the judgment, shame, and societal pressures of having the least money in a friendship.
Much like the unrealistic depiction in entertainment, there’s limited USEFUL advice on how to navigate the reality of being the poor or underemployed friend in a group because many don’t understand it. I’ve been the broke friend far more than I’d care to admit. Though I wish it resembled a comedy like Girlfriends, being the broke friend is often far from it. It can be isolating and can harm your self-esteem. Because it’s a reality I’ve known, I’m sharing the little nuggets I’ve picked up to make friendship easier when you are short on money. I hope they are useful to you while navigating your platonic relationships.
