Fearless Quest Week 5: Visiting the Past

This week my fearless quest consisted of revisiting past loves, past pain, and past relationships in order to grow as a person and to move on from non-beneficial feelings.

August 15: I was a bad girl. I have to admit this fearless week is off to a bad start since I didn’t do anything that scares me!

August 16: Texted my mother-in-law  Rather than something that scares, me it sounds like I took the easy way out. But it’s not. Like most married women, I have an interesting relationship with my mother-in-law. She isn’t a terrible person and I don’t hate her. We just don’t seem to mesh well together yet. Of course, that might have something to do with bruised feelings from a past incident. As a result, I never really made much of an effort to contact her unless I really needed to out of fear of what she would say or what terrible things could possibly transpire. I finally decided to leave the past in the past and text her in regards to her son’s birthday. She replied with “Thank you,”. It’s not anything monumental but it’s definitely the beginning to a beautiful relationship. I’m glad I took that first step.

August 17: Lied to my husband. Remember, my post last week in which I mentioned planning a surprise get together for my husband. Well, today is the day. It wasn’t easy getting here, but I made it. The only problem is getting him to the bar. The only way I could do it was by lying to him and I ABSOLUTELY hate LYING. It sounds silly, but  I was afraid that if I lied he would know I was lying and figure out the surprise. I kept trying to get other people to lie to him for me but it wouldn’t work. So I did the only thing I could do. I pretended to get mad and made him take me to the bar to make me feel better. Can you believe it actually worked! Guess lying to him wasn’t that terrible.

August 18: Invited a relative to the home. I’d like to pretend that I am a saint who forgives everyone no matter what and doesn’t hold grudges. But I’m not. A few years ago, I had a falling out with an older relative. Though she apologized and patched things up, I still found it hard to get over those hurt feelings and face her again. Despite my fear of having those painful feelings resurface and her hurting me again, I invited her over to my apartment while she was in town. I’m not going to say seeing her was easy. However, I will say that it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I’m hoping this means that after three years I’m on the road to recovery.

August 19: Sang opera. No, I didn’t do a live performance. I jus sang it too myself in the living room. Back in the day, I used to be a serious singer so much I was convinced that I would be a professional singer, dancer, and writer. Somewhere along the way, writing took over and singing got left behind in the dust. It’s been years. Naturally, I was afraid to open my mouth again in the fear of hearing how terrible my singing voice had become. As predicted, my voice is HORRIBLE after years without carrying a tune. My greatest fear in regard to singing has come true. But I’m glad I now know what I need to work on to get back in perfect vocal shape.

August 20: Invited the hubby to run with me. Remember, a while back I decided to get back in shape by running while following directions from an app? Well, I haven’t been as consistent as I should be. My husband has been wanting to jog with me for a while now, but I’ve always been self-conscious about it considering he’s a former track star.  I was afraid of humiliating myself in front of him. Today, I finally put my nerves aside and invited him on the jog. He was surprisingly supportive and offered great advice about form and pacing myself. It turned out husbands are good for a lot of things!

August 21: Signed up for open mic night. Well, I took a big step today. I decided to hold myself accountable regarding improving my singing voice. I signed up for open mic night at a local art school to take place in October. I think I might be half crazy to make that type of commitment so soon considering my voice sounds like a dying cat right now. I’m hoping it will be worth it. If I’m this scared just signing up to perform I can’t imagine how scared I’ll be when it’s time to do it.


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